Well I hope you’ll all be outside your front doors banging on your pots and pans as I introduce ‘The National Elf Service’! Only here for 1 month of the year, to bring you joy and happiness as you masturbate furiously through the Christmas season. Forget ripping presents open, let’s rip my 100 denier tights open and savour the delights inside. This is one present you definitely won’t send back!
